Avoid issue overall (according to your perception), find something

aggressive statements like, “If you’ll just let me talk…”
These can make the other person edgier.

the urge to defend yourself is overwhelming, but don’t. Instead,
continue trying to paraphrase the other person’s viewpoint. So, in
the above example, the parent might say, “So, when I said that
going on both, the Rajasthan trip and right after that the rural
camp, would take too much out of you, you felt like I was putting you
off?” Listen and paraphrase until the person indicates you’ve got
his viewpoint.

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where possible.
Even if it is a small area of agreement, the words, “I agree,”
or “You have a good point there,” or “I can see what you mean”
have a calming effect on an angry person. Whether
the angry person is wrong or right on the issue overall (according
to your perception), find something you both are agreed on, that is,
some meeting ground. Having
a “we-can-solve-this-problem” attitude helps a lot. For
example, you might say to your brother, “I have to admit that I
was in a rush when you announced you’d got a promotion. You’re
right. It would have been better if I’d explained that I had to
leave rightaway for the office for an important meeting, but that I
really do care about the promotion you’d got and would want to
hear more about it later.”

if appropriate.
When an apology is due, it not only is the right thing to do, it
also works as a very effective de-fuser.

the time that you’re listening to and empathizing with the other
person’s viewpoint and telling her where you agree, you will
generally find that the worst of the anger is subsiding. She may
thank you for listening to her, she may apologize for some way that
she herself may have contributed to the situation. You may even hear
an audible sigh as she takes a deep breath and the energy shifts.

a response. After
defusing and clarifying, you should be able to go to the solution
stage. Assure the person that you are going to respond to the
situation. But,
of course, don’t promise what you cannot deliver. If
you are not sure how you can help, ask for suggestions.

is also the time to negotiate differences and explain your viewpoint
tactfully. For instance, “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you
unwind at home for a few days after the Rajasthan trip, and then join
the guys at the rural camp for a short spell? How does that sound to

is important, however, that you do not go to the solution stage until
you’ve defused.

on a positive note. After
you have dealt with an angry person, remember to have “the last
word,” and make certain that last word is positive. “I’m really
glad you talked with me about this.” Or, “We appreciate your
bringing this to our attention.”